Saturday, February 27, 2010

Unintended Vacation

It's been a long, long time since I've posted anything. Indeed, it's been a long time since I've written anything. This is due to my sudden, unexpected unemployment. See, I used to be able to pretty much write unrestricted, because I was standing behind the bar of an empty restaurant for eight hours a day. Which, prudence should have told me, would lead to my sudden, unexpected unemployment. Not that I was fired because I was online all day long, but rather because apparently you can't make payroll when you have no customers. Who knew?!

In my absence, I've missed so very many funny things. Events that just cried out for my own unique take. The luge guy rocketing into a pole. The trainer mauled by a giant killer whale. Simon Cowell getting engaged. I feel as though I've done you all a diservice by being off line. All six of you.

Since I've been out of touch, and I'm not sure what to comment on, I thought I'd turn it over to you. All six of you. What topic of the day would you like me to write about? Post questions in the comments section, and I'll do my best to answer them in a timely fashion. Because, after all, I'm unemployed. So I've got nothing better to do.

P.S. It's a freaking KILLER WHALE! I don't care if it has a cute name like "Shamu", it's still a killer whale. It's a killer; it says so in the name. So what makes anyone think that just because you've been feeding it fish and making it jump through hoops, it would suddenly not kill? If I were a killer whale at Seaworld, I'd pretty much be plotting the gristly death of my trainer every day. Every time they made me jump through a firey hoop or swim backwards on my tail, I'd be thinking "keep it up, meat sack, your day will come...."

And apparently, the whale in question (Tilikum) not only has a history of treating humans as Alpo Orca Snax (TM), he also jumped out of the tank to get to his latest victim. Jumped. Out of the tank. And grabbed his trainer. That's a whole lot of anger right there. Maybe it's time we just let Tilikum go back to the sea...

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